and so the Bible says

“God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”

This is the all-too-familiar refrain I get from my brother-in-law whenever the topic of homosexuality is raised.  Let’s ignore for the moment that I doubt anyone in the history of civilization has ever invoked the Bible to support a rational argument.  Instead let’s concentrate on the fact that this man (or man-boy) is trying to object to male same-sex relations on moral grounds.  The sheer hypocrisy of it is astounding.  This is the same person who for the last few years has bordered on alcoholism; who has put untold amounts of illicit substances into his body; who was recently arrested for driving under the influence and has been charged (but cleared!) with assaulting his former girlfriend.  This is a person who has absolutely no right to take the moral high-ground, and it gets my back up.

“Well he didn’t create Evelyn and Eve either, but you don’t seem to have a problem with that”

He of course has no response to this as it’s absolutely true.  That’s not to say that it does anything to sway his opinion.  In his world, and that of many men, women are somehow exempt from the rule that says you can’t have sex with your own gender.  I can’t really blame him entirely for this attitude; he gets it honestly from his equally bigoted father.  Of course, I also cannot be blamed for my absolute hatred of this type of attitude being perpetrated through generations of men.

One time this conversation came up in the presence of his girlfriend.  Normally I can count on the girlfriend to have a more liberal viewpoint, but this time it wasn’t the case.  It was her opinion that the act of anal sex is what makes male homosexuality morally unacceptable (and again, here’s a person with no business arguing anything on moral grounds).  This amused me to no end.  Why?  Well it was no secret to me that her boyfriend happened to enjoy anal sex with women quite a bit.  It was also no secret to me that he had approached this particular girlfriend about the activity and had been rebuffed.  She didn’t know I knew that though, so maybe that’s what made it all the more entertaining.

So I need something explained to me because I just don’t get it.  Why are men (and some women) so fucking afraid of homosexuality?  I mean I have my share of irrational fears, but I like to think that I can at least provide some rational arguments to defend them.  I hate flying but, ya know, people have been killed — like lots of people — in airplanes.  Who was the last guy that turned homo just by being near a homo?  It’s like this weird cluster fuck of logic that makes people think that someone else being gay has even the least bit to do with them.

I’m not gay.  That’s not some kind of knee-jerk response to being accused either, that’s an honest fact.  There was a time in my life when I had wondered whether I might be, but it just turned out not to be.  You see I don’t think gay sex makes you gay, just as I don’t think straight sex makes you straight.  Being gay (man or woman) is about loving someone and only someone of your gender.  I sometimes want to drill that into people’s heads.  If you think you might be gay but you can’t imagine spending the rest of your life with someone of your gender, you aren’t gay.  It’s a completely different frame of mind that transcends any single act.

So this message goes out to all those homophobic guys that touched some other kid’s dick when they were in boy scouts and now have to spend every waking moment asserting their heterosexuality: get over it.  There’s nothing wrong with being curious about sexuality, whether it be yours or anyone else’s.  In fact, your lack of ability to embrace the sexuality of your own gender is a fucking weakness.  And to any homophobic women out there, shame on you.  Has your struggle not taught you to embrace the power of your own gender?  I expect better from you.